One Year of Theo V

IMG_0127.JPGMy beautiful, beautiful, beautiful, beautiful boy (I hear Lennon’s voice in my head) is ONE!

Here I am, reliving my pregnancy and birth each day in my head. Wondering where this year went. Why my blog has been so silent. When you read this post (hopefully on little man’s actual birthday) I’ll probably be an emotional wreck. And it’ll only be published two weeks after I publish his birth story, which took me far too long to write! That was hardest, because some of it has left me by now. Some of it I was too foggy to remember, even right afterwards.

I’m so grateful to be Theodore’s Mama. His passion and personality are teaching me how to live each day to it’s fullest. Theo lives Carpe Diem! (Seize the day!) AND Carpe Omnia! (Sieze everything!) I sure he hope he doesn’t stop living like this, even to adulthood.

My child is showing me how to be a parent. Parenting brings so much rawness to hearts, to life. I don’t know how else to describe it…

I feel like while birthing Theo, a new me was being born. Now I wear my heart on my sleeve. I cry over the smallest things, which sometimes lead to big things. I talk to people more openly and honestly. I ask more questions. I try to be humble. I feel more honest with myself. More vulnerable. Honest about the fact that I know nothing, I have so much to learn.

I glaringly see how I fail, and how I am so deeply flawed… I see the ways I hope Theo doesn’t become like me, and the ways I hope he does! I have to work harder in my marriage, focus on my husband’s needs and on our friendship. Before this marriage thing felt fairly natural. Now I understand more of the “work” aspect to love. This is a good thing, if you aren’t reading it that way. I feel like our relationship has deepened in unexplainable ways.

Each day is exhausting. Our little guy is a MOVER and I am physically dead by the end of the day. It’s a gift to be a stay-at-home-mom for this season, but I don’t have much mental or emotional energy at the end of the day. Much less than I expected, and I only have one child! Cudos to all you SAHMs of 2 or more babies! Lawd!

Yes, this journey is beautiful. It’s joyful. It’s raw. It’s hard. It’s exhausting. It’s challenging my marriage, my selfishness, my friendships, my mental health. But it’s so, so soul-filling! My soul feels full when my mind or body feel empty. Theo’s little open-moth kisses make my heart swell. His cheesy grin that lights up his eyes and wrinkles his tiny nose fill me with deep soul-fuling JOY. The little stumbling steps and babbled words make my eyes shine with proud tears.

And all I hear in my head and heart is: The Lord said it was Good.

He created us and said it was good. Motherhood makes me realize how deeply, utterly, and wholely loved we are by God. And that’s a gift.

My Theo V. My heart. Happy one year, baby boy!