It’s what I do best. Daydream. I am most days so content in my life with Richard here in this community, but I’ve had doubts today. Doubts in my calling. I sometimes get these feelings, I don’t live up to what I’m meant to be doing. I’m meant to serve and serve and give, but I’m so selfish. I heard two sermonettes today from two of the most selfless people I know! Beth, one, is a beautiful soft-spoken wise mom of two who spends most of her days tag-teaming with her husband as they run the homeless shelter down the street. They work more hours than most, and it is all pouring of themselves out to the lowest of the low! Those whom many people simply ignore. The story Beth told today was about saving a man’s life as he froze on the street, unable to walk and in need of a bed for the night. She got him up and supported him as he struggled to stay standing while the two waited for an ambulance. This made me realize how little I give of myself each day. There is more I can and should be doing. Next, I heard a man speak about having the utmost faith in God, and using your human doubts to strengthen your faith by placing them in God’s hands, away on a shelf, and wait for God to work out His plan. This man, Curt, lost his wife of 20 years three weeks ago, and here he is preaching to us about faith in God! What a man who stands by his beliefs! It seems his wife’s death has made him stronger in Christ, and I hope that is me one day- using pain to strengthen my bond with God.
These two stories blessed my heart and showed me today how much I need to give over to God from deep down within- my pure selfishness.
My selfishness comes when I get these travel itches- I want to go and do! Travel and see the world! I am so jealous of the friends I have traipsing around Europe. I want Rich and I to take trips together, now that we’re married, before we start a family. It’s crippling to feel this disabled and stuck in this single city (I know I really love) for months on end, there’s no just getting up and going because it’s unrealistic with the time and money we don’t have… BUT then I think how selfish I am to think in this way. Looking back into the lives of Beth and Curt, who spoke such wisdom and love out of their humble selfless lives, looking in the past five years of my life, I know I am need to give these itches UP and AWAY!
In five years time, I’ve been able to go to Mexico, Peru, Ireland, France, and England. Five countries in five years is pretty good! What am I whining about? So this is my lesson for today. Study for my finals, and quit all this day-dreaming if it only leads to jealousy and other sinful thoughts. Obviously, I don’t think it’s wrong to daydream in general, but today it is wrong for me. So off i go to count my blessings, my joy, my beauties, my kisses from Heaven, and study my Earth Science. Haha life is an adventure, even from where I sit at this t.v. tray in my little apartment room, and I need to learn to give more of myself to those in need.